Finding Michigan

Here is my thesis statement. It will probably change a lot by next spring:

When Wright’s relationship to place shifts from being disharmonious to harmonious, it causes the predominant feelings of guilt and fear found in The Green Wall and Saint Judas to be replaced by joyfulness in The Branch Will Not Break.

Or, would this make more sense?

The predominant feelings of fear and guilt found in The Geen Wall  and Saint Judas are replaced by joyfulness in The Branch Will Not Break because of a coinciding shift in Wright’s relationship with place from a state of disharmony to harmony.